I Can't Live Without You.

8/25/20251 min read

I Can’t Live Without Her

I believed earning my Certificate of Bachelorhood in China would prove my worth. I poured every ounce of effort into that goal. When I returned, I was furious—angry at her for not marrying me after all those years of waiting.

The Spark of Anger

I blamed her for hanging onto a birthday I forgot. I convinced myself her refusal was petty. In truth, my rage was ego wearing a mask of pride.

Ego Dressed as Love

- I fueled my ego for three years, thinking achievement alone secured affection.

- My accomplishments blinded me to her emotions.

- What I called love was really entitlement.

The Burn of Regret

My anger wasn’t true anger—it was wounded pride. It gnawed at me for a year, a slow-burning ache that I tried to extinguish with booze and distractions. The more I drank, the louder her absence screamed.

Facing the Pain

I looked for other girls, but every attempt fell flat. The memory of her smile followed me even in my highest escape. That pain felt like cancer, draining me piece by piece.

Discovering True Love

Gradually I realized that understanding her pain meant understanding love. Love is about giving, not taking. When I looked through her eyes, I felt her heartbreak—my own guilt doubled.

A Selfish Heart

I admit I sucked the joy from her life by taking her for granted. Knowing I can’t live without her fills me with shame.

A Wish Beyond Self

I miss her every second, but I want her happiness above all. If that happiness isn’t with me, I still want her to soar. I can’t live without her, and yet I’m learning that love sometimes means setting someone free.