Self-Respect or Love

Messages I stopped.

10/17/20251 min read

The question “Self-respect or love?” first came to me when I wondered why I stopped messaging her. I wanted to know if my silence was born of pride or of genuine love. I watched videos, read articles, and kept circling back to the same conclusion: it was love.

Voices from Gen Z, millennials, and beyond insist that self-respect is vital, that it defines personal boundaries. Yet I struggle to separate those boundaries from self-love itself. If setting a limit protects my heart, isn’t that an act of love? To me, self-respect doesn’t stand apart from love—it either transforms you or it breaks you.

Love’s power is absolute: it can elevate us or shatter us. When we feel broken, we often turn to alcohol, drugs, or self-destruction to numb the pain. But if anything is going to destroy us, let it be love—because at least that ruin carries meaning.

A saint once asked on video, “Self-respect or love?” He replied that self-respect is just ego in fancy clothes—an excuse to walk away. When you truly love someone, you vow to do anything for them, even die. But when they don’t meet your expectations, you start to feel suffocated. You label it wounded pride and call it self-respect, when in reality you’re rejecting them for not fulfilling your needs.

I stopped messaging her not out of ego but out of love. I feared that my words were reopening wounds. I would cross oceans to be with her—but never at the cost of her peace. She hasn’t answered, and perhaps she needs space to heal. Any message from me now would only scrape at an old scar and remind her of me when she may need to forget.

That realization is love itself. My self-respect today is respect for her choices and her healing. I carry her memory with me until I find myself whole again. I love you, Cucii, with all the happiness you deserve. I miss you, and if ever these words find you, believe me—I’m still here, waiting.